There’s something in the air in Aspen, Colorado. It’s not the twinkle of snowflakes fluttering from above, and it’s not the earthy aroma of pine needles crushed underfoot: it’s the sweet, unmistakable scent of success. Every holiday season, our little mountain thoroughfares become snow-trodden red carpets for the rich and famous — Hollywood heavyweights, titans of industry, and, like, five or six Real Housewives. If you’re anything like me, you want a piece of the action.
See, I was born and raised in Aspen, and I’ve spent much of my life carefully observing celebrity migration patterns, eager to climb the social ladder one random encounter at a time. As a self-proclaimed “normal person,” I want nothing more than to rub elbows with the Kim Kardashians of the world; maybe they’ll impart some of their beauty and prosperity, and maybe then I’ll be able to afford something from the Louis Vuitton store on South Mill Street. A boy can dream!
The good news is that, after years of devoted study, I’ve finally been able to crack the code. I know how these VIPs think — how they move, how they shop, how they dress — and I’m finally ready to share my secrets. I’ve built up an impressive resume of celeb sightings, and though Mariah Carey has yet to accept me as a protégé (I’ve got a decent singing voice, so it’s only a matter of time), I can at least help you return from your next ski trip with a good story to tell. Here are some local tips and tricks for finding celebrities on the wintry streets of Aspen.
Happy hunting.
Step One: Do Your Homework
If you’re really dedicated to following the stars, it’s imperative that you do a little research before you slip on your gumshoes. Like any good journalist/private detective, you have to know your subject inside and out. Familiarize yourself with the mainstays — figure out who’s been known to winter in Aspen, what sort of security entourage they bring along, and whether or not they’ve had any plastic surgery in the past few months. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell love to traipse through town on Christmastime shopping trips, Heidi Klum has been known to wander aimlessly in perplexingly large winter jackets, and Kevin Costner will occasionally come down from his “KevyWorld” mountain estate, located just outside city limits, to grace us with a special appearance. Oh, how lucky we are!
When you’re out in the field, you’ll usually be able to tell if someone’s a celebrity from a glance: anyone with an “entourage” of shopping-bag-burdened assistants is a person of interest. Even so, you should understand that there’s no room for uncertainty in this line of work. Nobody back home wants to hear about how you saw someone who “looked a lot like Orlando Bloom.” Remember that not every middle-aged man with a 20-year-old girlfriend is Leonardo DiCaprio — we actually have those in spades.
Step Two: Know the Hotspots
Aspen’s downtown core is relatively small, and when you’re on the prowl for the power players, its snow-globe size comes in handy. There are only so many places to hide, and a dedicated celebrity-hunter will be able to identify and stake out all of the high-traffic hangouts. You’ll start the hunt at the Gondola Plaza, located at the base of Aspen Mountain, to catch any Paris Hiltons or Rebel Wilsons coming off the slopes. If the plaza is dry, fret not. Most sightings happen between 3:30 and 5:00 PM: this is prime shopping time — before dinner, but after the ski mountains have closed.
After you’ve appropriately surveilled the Gondola Plaza, stroll through the pedestrian mall and peek in the windows of Aspen’s many luxury stores. It’s worth stopping by Chrome Hearts and Moncler, but I pay special attention to the Kemo Sabe store, which sells luxury cowboy hats for the price of a used car. It’s local legend that Jeff Bezos once rode a horse into this store; I make sure to stop by at least a few times a day just in case he ever decides to do it again.
The Kemo Sabe hats are a little out of my price range, so when I’ve had my fair share of window shopping, I set up camp on the corner of South Galena and East Cooper, across the street from Paradise Bakery. Not only is Paradise a natural gathering place for celebrities, it’s right next to the Ralph Lauren store — and they have benches you can sit on! I recommend you pick up a muffin from the bakery and make yourself comfortable: patience is a virtue, and you need a lot of it in this business. Fortunately, the people-watching scene is pretty spectacular — even when the A-Listers aren’t biting.
Step Three: Befriend the Experts
As you sleuth your way through Aspen’s winter wonderland, you’ll pass by people dressed in floor-length fur coats, neon-pink onesie ski suits, and beefy poodle-like ushankas. As fun as it is to gawk, these peacocking tourists aren’t going to aid in your search for the Real Deal. Instead, the key to your celebrity search may be a bit more inconspicuous: keep your eyes peeled for the plain-clothes paparazzi.
It only makes sense that if you can find paparazzi, you can find celebrities — so you’ll want to consciously scan the streets for any potential shutterbugs. You’ll do well to become suspicious of anyone with a camera bag, especially if they don’t take any interest in the mountain scenery that surrounds them. You’ll find paparazzi lingering impatiently at the aforementioned hotspots, and though they have a tendency to be a bit surly, try to strike up a conversation. Maybe they’ll tip you off as to who they’re waiting for, and maybe they’ll let you tag along for a photo-op. Either way, keep an eye out for any sudden movements: if they exhibit any sort of urgency, you may have found your golden ticket.
Step Four: Tell the World
You’re on your 20th lap through the Aspen pedestrian mall. You’ve been shooed out of Kemo Sabe, your would-be paparazzo turned out to be a nature photographer, and just as the frostbite is starting to set in… BINGO! You’ve stumbled upon Kate Hudson or Cameron Diaz or Kyle Richards or Kendall Jenner. You’ve done it — you walked by a real live celebrity, and you feel way more important and successful as a result. Rejoice!
Still, your job isn’t done. What’s the point of seeing a celebrity if you don’t tell everyone you’ve ever met? Make sure to dramatize the story as much as possible, especially to anyone who accompanied you to Aspen but chose an afternoon nap in favor of a walk into town. You may even be compelled to write a magazine article about celebrity spotting in Aspen, just so you can let people know that you saw Jennifer Lopez and Anderson.Paak on the same day. Whether or not this is a good idea remains to be seen.
When you finally turn in after a long day of stalking Justin and Hailey Bieber through Aspen’s alpine avenues, you should celebrate your victories, but don’t become complacent: tomorrow’s going to be another beautiful day in the Rocky Mountains, and as long as there is snow on the ground, there are always more celebrities to be found. And you might just be the one to find them.
